We offered to introduce Tiresias, but he refused, for no better reason than that he thought we would lie and say rude things about him. But people from our clan—and we’re from another dementia than the reader—are all either too stupid to get away with lies or too smart to tell them. Well, of course that’s true for human beings, too. And as for the possibility of offending Tiresias, we would remind you that, in the Book of Torkulweef, Chapter 17, it says that “Truth has certain privileges, one of which is that it is entitled to be rude.”
And anyway, since we have access to his multiple personalities, we were able to get one of them to put our own stuff in ahead of his. Cassandra is such a sweetie.
So who is Tiresias? Well, first of all, he’s been a massive failure in almost everything he’s done. To stay out of trouble he stayed in school, gathering degrees until, by degree, he became unqualified to become anything but a college professor with a drinking problem. Through trickery he got a position at an Ivy League University; through guile he held on to it until, prompted by the less absurd of his multiple personalities, he saw through himself and fled from teaching like a namosk from a hungry chonchon. But of course you’ve never visited the bestiary in our dementia.
Tiresias has occasionally published a book or article, but never anything of note, and that’s why we decided to help him out a bit. You’ll recognize his contributions by their sullen irritation; ours, by their soaring genius. We expect him to say unkind things about us—and even we admit that some of our personalities are a bit abrasive—but our steadfast humility is a defense of sorts.
Let the games begin!
Originally published in another dementia on July 6, 2011